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Extreme Demand Avoidance in the PDA adult acts as an “emotional filter.” It traps emotions that are too large, confusing, or energy intensive to fully know and integrate.

My job is to encourage the filter to remain in working order. I do not attempt to change how it works or circumvent it. I always look to observe extreme demand avoidance in my client. This helps me affirm what feels big and hard.

“Pathological” demand avoidance can create emotional turmoil and suffering. However, it is also the means by which the PDA person processes important life experiences. It is my work to look at what is “stuck in the filter”.

I welcome demand avoidance in the therapy space. Why? Because where there is extreme demand avoidance there is big unprocessed emotion. The purpose to exploring emotions for the PDA adult can be in connecting their emotions to their thinking. This offers the foundation for self-direction and meaning PDA individuals require to engage with demands.

We know that PDA individuals can often experience a high degree of attenuation and anxious thinking. As a psycho-dynamic therapist I know that when emotion is understood anxiety and attenuation decreases.

I also know that anxiety and attenuation is often expressed in the therapy space as racing circular thinking.

This is most certainly true for the PDA person. I look at circular thinking in PDA emotional processing which works in relationship with the filter.

How?

Circular thinking in the PDA person looks to capture detail and nuance. Each time it goes around more information is available to run through the “emotional filter.” This process allows more confusion and overwhelm to be addressed each time the thinking goes around.

The PDA affirming therapist will enter into the circular process with curious open-ended questions and reflect what they see, asking if it makes sense. They will as a result share the work to clarify and break down an issue. This approach makes it less energy intensive for the PDA person to integrate.

I have watched the “emotional filter” in the PDA Adult break down a trapped experience effectively.

And, each time, in different people, this process looks quite similar. I am describing how the psyche of the individual will interact with extreme demand avoidance.

The individual will hold back and slow down their processing through circular thinking considering and contextualizing as they do so.

This can be re-conceptualized psycho-dynamically for the therapist as classic resistance.

Resistance requires understanding because to do anything else will often end the relationship and create anger.

PDA emotional processing needs to be affirming in every way possible. You validate the thinking; you reflect what they may be feeling, and you support them as they look to reorganize a thought process in an ongoing way.

If you hold your client center, you can pay attention and remain attuned in the resistance. This is where you will often see your PDA client wrestle with their circular thought process as they want a “way out” and are impatient and frustrated with themselves.

It’s not the thinking here that is trapped it’s the emotions. The emotions trapped in the filter need a thought process that makes emotional sense.

Considering why this important, what does it mean to them and where are they in this process will release emotions and affect. Your client will visibly relax. Their words will slow and stop. They will breathe more deeply. A weight will be lifted. The feelings are now there held in the moment.

If you accept PDA emotional processing, you will get excited to see extreme demand avoidance! Because THAT, is where the feelings are, and feelings are the heart of the therapy space.

Circular thinking in the PDA person is a search for context, personal choice and self-directed thinking. The PDA person uses this kind of process to clarify their engagement with demands.

I look to support this natural processing so that emotions are released and available for their own conscious decisions and choices.

I like to think of PDA circular thinking as kaleidoscopic. New glimpses of nuance and context can emerge with each turn.

However, thinking won’t stop until it KNOWS the big feelings underneath and UNDERSTANDS WHAT THEY MEAN.

When the PDA person is able to feel relief in therapy it becomes a welcome method to navigate life. Deep inner work restores motivation, energy and purpose. It does. But it isn’t a quick fix or an easy one. It can be very demanding. Why do it?

I meet PDA adults when the emotions stuck in the filter are demanding their attention. Releasing them is connected to being able to do something really important and meaningful giving the emotional work itself a purpose motivating them to keep at it.

Growth is a demand!

PDA Parents in my practice often have multiple therapies at once. I see this as a sign of health to support a sustained period of growth. I also meet many therapists with PDA. That isn’t coincidental. I believe that PDA people are drawn to fields that offer intrinsic purpose and meaning.

When feelings are processed, they move through the filter with ease and circular thinking can be a search for nuance that feels easy, light and playful not just anxiety provoking.

This is a very nuanced client. If you connect and communicate effectively, you will work together to navigate the challenges of day-to-day life.

If you accept PDA emotional processing, you will get to see your client. And LIKE your client. And really enjoy the work.