As a group of professionals, we have been concerned that low demand parenting has left PDA families isolated, dysregulated and struggling to move forward. We have seen families harmed by (well-meaning but insufficient) advice to drop many or all demands as a method to heal from or prevent burnout.

We believe that demands, in general, aren’t what are harming the child and the family. To suggest so ignores the ever-present reality- that PDA needs misalign with our outdated American model of homogenized education, treatment, and workforce preparation. The needs of PDA children and adults highlight the holes in systems and the rigid inflexible nature of our current models not our need to lower demands.

Pressure on parents to have limitless emotional energy to facilitate advocacy and accommodation of their child in these systems- while doing so alone – is simply untenable. Lowering demand seems to offer a solution to this- simply stop looking for systems to accommodate PDA! Let’s take the professionals and systems out of the equation.

But the true demand harming families is the pressure placed on parents. Dropping demands places the restructuring of relationships and facilitating of demand engagement squarely on a parent’s shoulders. How is THIS low demand parenting?

As a result: We want to clarify for parents and professionals supporting them that lowering demands without a scaffolding of support raises the demands on the family exponentially.

As a group of professionals that know PDA personally and professionally, we recognize that many families will need a team of affirming support to be regulated when lowering demands- due to complex school, medical and relational trauma, while working toward understanding the intergenerational expression of PDA. Dropping demands without it- a family risks ongoing overwhelm and crisis.

Dropping demands can also bring a loss of meaning and hope for the future. It can feel like giving up and this withdrawal can reinforce itself. Many PDA children and their adults are drawn to demands, leadership and community life. Dropping or lowering demands will therefore never make emotional sense to them.

When these families feel overwhelmed, disoriented and struggle with their energy they simply want genuine understanding, realistic pacing and the chance to reengage when they choose. They want to learn to communicate with one another for connection.

Then why focus at ALL on “lowering demands”?

Let’s highlight how PDA families and communities can advocate for and support a restructured workable demand engagement while in connection and caring with one another! This offers the most options for the most families.

We celebrate the inherent value in finding an approach to life that supports emotional congruence for ALL PDA families. What exists “Beyond Low Demand” moves the conversation for PDA families to that of how we can engage in the world and be healthy while we do.

Signed, The PDA Therapy Collaborative