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Claim the time, attention, focus and space for your needs.

When you know your own emotional processing and can see this as a need claim this space with other people. This is a PDA affirming and PDA friendly accommodation to be able to then feel safe to deeply connect to another.

If they value you, they will hold it. And want to understand. Even if you are feeling their confusion or their stretch. Many times, people are willing to “let go” of confusion and pain if only that pain can be validated and seen.

I encourage you to be open to the fact that their feelings are up and real for them. Tell them you know this is just as real to THEM as your feelings are to you, but that you can’t know how to respond. You’re not sure how to explain fully. Truly. This is AWKWARD. Back to that word. AWKWARD.

But, letting people you care about SEE the part of you that doesn’t know what you need or feel is…. OH BOY, a huge demand.

This can feel excruciatingly exposing. It can create immediate attenuation.

“OOPS they saw it. OOPS they caught that.”

This can be the thinking that suppresses BIG feelings or disconnects you from relationship. I want to offer alternatives. Relating is not Low Demand. Consider that the most important things that require energy will need to align with you, your values and your authenticity or you just “can’t” engage. Remember, this reduces anxiety and attenuation as you will immediately have self-directed autonomous thinking. Wait until you are THERE. In “that” space.

This is a personal PDA affirming stance and an important navigational tool. PDA processing requires access points to processing over time, in reflection, without fear of losing connection so as not to trigger Demand Avoidance and its attenuation.

HOW does the PDA person align with themselves, their values and authenticity? Another HUGE demand working its way to the BIG D. The demand of making authentic choices and speaking authentic truth.

I have seen that QUESTIONS that elicit perspective almost immediately offer an escape from fight or flight. The PDA person enters a place of personal meaning and context which is affirming but then is therapeutic.

The experience of this is key. Is it real? Does the PDA person actually feel accepted for who they are? It is not real until it’s felt. Was it a grandfather, teacher, friend or parent that created this experience with them? This is water to a parched plant. It is sunlight, nutrients and water to a growing seed.

GOOD curious questions in a regulated space are how PDA adults continue to navigate big feelings so that they come to KNOW themselves. If you remember this and had this in your childhood certainly this makes life easier. So much easier.

If you didn’t receive enough of it, I SEE you. I KNOW how much you probably crave it. Know, that you can learn how to do it for yourself and seek out those who can do it with you. Practice getting more comfortable with that “awkward”. If it feels too much for a friend, partner or parent be willing to hear them. Just ask for a no judgement zone and tell them not to interpret it. Negotiate emotional needs, time and space. Explain your need. Thank them, for caring.

This is it. The cultivation of a safe inter-relational space.